Privacy Policy

Most Privacy Policies are lengthy documents in dense legalese that no one ever actually reads. This one will doubtless be no exception. I will try to keep the language on the simple side, however.

  1. If you email me, I will never, ever utilize your email address for anything other than personally contacting you. I will not sell, give, or psychically transmit your email address to any spam-bot services, collection agencies, doomsday cults, or organzied crime family. I will not publish your address on this site and will be really, really uncooperative if the FBI tries to coerce it out of me.
  2. I may publish the contents of any message you send me in a forthcoming "Letters" page, but I will not post your name or other identifying information unless I get a written OK from you giving your permission.
  3. Please note, however, that the above only pertains to private citizens. Messages from public figures are another matter (and extremely unlikely) and will be handled on a case-by-case basis. For example, letters from Neil deGrasse Tyson will be printed out, adorned with gold leaf, and hung on my wall. Complaint letters from the Quayle family will be utilized as propoganda materials in my ongoing crusade (along with Candice Bergen) to legalize marriage between ventriloquists and their dummies.
  4. Threatening letters will be evaluated for their comedic value and put up on the site where you will be mocked for your inability to spell. Or you'll be ignored. Seriously, get over yourself.
  5. I currently have no plans to add a public forum to this site and therefore make no rules governing your conduct towards one another. You're going to have to work out your problems on your own. But would it kill you to say something nice once in a while? By the way, that shirt color really looks good on you.
  6. I will be adding Facebook and Twitter connectivity to the site. You will, of course, be subject to all of their rules and regulations when utilizing their respective services no matter what idiocy I may spout off that indicates otherwise. They have lawyers and hired thugs that can take you down and probably wipe out the memory of your existence from the minds of anyone who's ever heard of you. I, on the other hand, am armed only with harsh language and stern looks of disapproval. You should probably know this before any situation comes up that forces you to choose sides.
  7. Never talk about Fight Club.
  8. Eat a low-fat diet with plenty of fruits and vegetables. A good source of dietary fiber can help you maintain regular bowel movements. It occurs to me as I'm typing this that I'm running out of rules and am really starting to grasp at straws.
  9. Please contact me if any of these rules and regulations need clarification. I can arrange to perform a dramatized rendition of this list with hand puppets if you think it's really necessary.

Yours Truly.

Brian Hendrickson
Station Manager